Last week was hard. Really, really hard. Our sweet Maui, who we’ve loved for fifteen years had a very rough week, and then she took a turn for the worse Thursday. We had so many events scheduled for the weekend that could not be moved or canceled, so all the while, life went on, and there was joy amidst the sadness. Such is life, I suppose.
Since this blog is my scrapbook, I decided to recap every little detail of Maui’s last few days because I never want to forget my last days with her, as painful as they were. So, if that’s not something you want to read, or if it could potentially be triggering for you, please come back next week where my normal content will resume.
Here is how our last week with our girl was spent…
Monday, February 17
Monday morning, the kids were out of school, so we slept in and had leftover donuts for breakfast. Brian works from home on Mondays, so he was able to sleep in a little, too. After breakfast, I worked for a little bit, and then I took on the daunting task of fixing my album artwork that had been corrupted on my phone. We’d found a potential fix online, but I was terrified to try it as I was worried about losing everything, but y’all, I’m happy to report that it worked, and it was so easy! I blogged about it here in case you’re having issues, too.
While the phone was doing its thing, I got in a Bible study, and then after that I headed downstairs to get lunch ready for everyone. Maui hadn’t been eating well again for several days, but that day she wouldn’t eat anything that I put in front of her.
After lunch, I finished my blog post for Tuesday, I got all of our towels washed, and then I got out for a walk because it was beautiful, although a little chilly.
When I got back, Jacob had about ten minutes left in his lesson, and then he made the decision to try out for the Honors Recital again as his teacher had invited him once again. We picked out a time and got him all signed up, and then we headed home.
At home, I boiled some chicken to go along with the rice for Maui, and she ate the tiniest bit and then wasn’t interested anymore. She was skin and bones by that point from her appetite decreasing over the last couple of months, and I was desperate to get some food in her… I was so disappointed that she wouldn’t eat the chicken.
After the kitchen was clean, Olivia worked on getting her party favors ready for her upcoming birthday slumber party and then she played guitar, while Brian, Jacob, and I worked on our 1,000 piece Lego puzzle. We also watched some old Saturday Night Live skits (only age appropriate ones, of course).
Tuesday, February
18
Tuesday morning, I got the kids to school and then I did the grocery shopping at Walmart. I got the groceries home, and as soon as those were put away, I had to leave again to pick up a prescription from CVS and then head to my appointment with my therapist.
When I got home, I coaxed Maui to eat some of the chicken that I’d made her Monday evening, and she did eat some, but not quite as much as I’d hoped. And she wouldn’t touch the rice, which was fine since I was more concerned about her getting protein.
She and I headed to my office to work (me) and sleep (her) and then I went to pick Olivia up from school when the time arrived.
Jacob had Velocity right after school, so Olivia and I had a date at Culver’s to eat some of their custard ice cream. I’d never had theirs before and it is SO GOOD. I got cookie dough bites on top of mine, and I have to say – it’s waaaayyyy better than a Dairy Queen Blizzard!
After feeding Maui, I headed to my office to do my Bible study, and the reading was so very timely during this tumultuous time in our country… God calls all of us to help the poor and the oppressed, and that is just not what is happening right now.
At that point, she was still getting around well, drinking tons of water, and going to the bathroom outside (and having accidents inside), but she didn’t seem to be in pain or suffering. She always seemed content. She just wasn’t eating much. And I think a lot of it had to do with the cold weather. We have had a very long, cold winter which is unusual for us, and she HATES the cold, so she pretty much never wanted to leave her electric blanket.
After the kids were in bed, Brian and I watched some more of Severance, and then we went to bed.
Wednesday, February 19
Wednesday morning, I dropped the kids at school, and then I headed straight home to hang with Maui for an hour before I met Olivia for her field trip. I was torn between going and not going – I knew that it was probably the last field trip I’d be able to ever attend with Olivia as our school doesn’t ask for parent volunteers for middle school field trips, but I also didn’t want Maui to be alone all day.
The venue where the field trip was is a HAUL from our house, and it was raining, so I wasn’t super excited about making the drive in the rain either, but ultimately, I decided to go. I just couldn’t miss her last field trip. Instead of going all day, I ended up only going for part of the field trip so I could get back home and spend more time with Maui before I had to get in the car line and do the afternoon hustle.
The field trip was to the National Infantry Museum. I’d been a few times for various events, but I’d never really toured it, let alone had a guided tour, so I was glad that I went. I enjoyed the time with my girl, and I learned a few things about WWII that I didn't already know (we only did the WWII tour that day as that’s what the kids are learning about in class right now).
I had to snap a picture of the Battle of the Bulge wall because that was one of the battles that my Big Daddy (grandfather) fought in when he was younger. And I also had to snap a picture of the upside down Hitler bust. The museum tour guide said that this bust was recovered from Hitler’s mountain retreat, and a U.S. Infantry officer later turned it upside down and used it as a trash can. The guide told us that when the guy donated the bust to the museum, he said that he would only donate it on one condition – that the bust remain upside down for all of eternity.
A huge portion of our fence had fallen in the storms the previous week, and it was as heavy as lead so I couldn’t help Brian get it up. We knew it was going to take multiple people, so Brian’s sister and my nephew (who is a grown adult and works out a ton) both came over to help. The four of us were able to get it up and somewhat back into place, and Brian used a bunch of huge, heavy duty zip ties to keep it in place until we can have someone come repair it. Brian would have been able to repair it, but one of the main posts that’s cemented into the ground snapped in half, so we’re just going to hire somebody instead.
While Kim and Jackson were there, Brian told them that Maui wasn’t doing well, and thankfully, Kim got to say her goodbyes to her. We didn’t know at the time that it would be her last time to see her as we were supposed to be having lunch with them on Sunday, but sadly, it was the last time.
Maui slept all.day.long. Wednesday, and I’d thought that maybe it was just because it was so cold and rainy, but really, it was just because she wasn’t going to make it through the week. By Wednesday evening, her back legs had started getting really wobbly, too, (most likely from muscle loss and weakness since she hadn’t been eating much), and she hadn’t been able to get up and down the stairs by herself in a few days at that point.
I was so desperate for her to eat Wednesday night that I tried feeding her chicken, rice, bananas, apples, and cheese and she wouldn’t touch any of it. I finally gave her some of the kids’ leftover Kraft macaroni and cheese and she did finally eat that. It wasn’t much, and it wasn’t nutritious, but I was just happy to have something in her.
I made Mongolian beef and rice bowls with broccoli for Brian, Jacob, and me, and then after dinner we cleaned the kitchen. I skipped my workout to lay on the couch with Maui because I knew that we didn’t have very much time left with her.
Thursday, February 20
Thursday morning, I dropped the kids at school and then I headed straight to Publix to pick up some bone broth and a completely different kind of dog food for Maui. I thought maybe since she was still drinking a ton of water that we could get her to drink some bone broth since that would nourish her well and get some protein in her body.
After that, I ran by Crumbl to pick up Brian’s birthday dessert, and then I headed home. Maui never liked to eat in the morning, so I didn’t even try the new food when I got home, and instead, I carried her upstairs to my office to let her sleep in her electric blanket while I worked.
At lunchtime, I carried her back downstairs, and I pulled out some of her new food to try. She wouldn’t touch it, so I warmed some bone broth. She wouldn’t touch that either. While we were downstairs, she walked to her water bowl to get some water, but she ended up dipping her head down near the bowl a few times and not drinking. It was like she’d forgotten how to get to it. I put my fingers in the bowl and tried to put a little on her tongue to let her know that there was fresh water in there, but she didn’t attempt to try to get any again. All she wanted to do was go back upstairs and get in her electric blanket, so I carried her up there and brought her food saucer with me so she could eat it while she stayed warm. Instead, she just stared at it again for a long time and then went to sleep.
I knew it was time to call the vet again (we’d already discussed the food situation) since Maui had stopped drinking water, and I also texted my girlfriends to tell them the news. Every single one of the seven in our group had lost a dog (or a cat for one of them) in the last year-ish except for me at that point. So, I asked all of them what they did at the end with regard to vet appointments, keeping them comfortable, and preserving memories.
They were all so great, and we basically all had a cryfest via text for the next couple of hours. I’m so grateful for all of them.
I called the vet while I was in the car line and scheduled a quality of life appointment. The soonest appointment they had was for Friday at 4 PM, but Olivia’s birthday slumber party was Friday at 5 PM, and I knew we wouldn’t be able to make that appointment, so we scheduled it for first thing Monday morning at 9 AM.
Jacob’s piano lesson had been rescheduled, so we had time to go home before Olivia’s guitar lesson. I tried to feed Maui, and she wouldn’t touch anything yet again, including her water. I even tried carrying her to her bowl and sitting her in front of it, but again, she looked like she wasn’t sure what to do with it. It was just the saddest thing, y’all.
I had to get Olivia to her guitar lesson after that, but Jacob stayed home with Maui, and I told him to watch her closely while we were gone. At guitar, Olivia worked hard on strumming the chords for I Love You, I’m Sorry and she really smoothed them out. She sounded great!
When we got home, I tried to get Maui to eat and drink again to no avail, and at that point I was pretty much beside myself because I knew she wouldn’t live long without water. I cried on and off aaaalll day because I knew the end was really close, but I was determined to get some food and water in her. I was not going to just let her starve or dehydrate to death.
It was Brian’s birthday, so we stepped out for a quick dinner at a new Mexican restaurant down the street and it was nice to have an hour of joy in the day. We both had margs and I had the staff sing Happy Birthday to him complete with the sombrero.
Brian opened his gifts, and we ate our Crumbl cookies and then he helped Olivia study for a math test.
Maui made it through the night, and Brian and I were able to give her 10 ML of water before I took the kids to school. After that, I stopped by our favorite local donut shop to pick up Olivia’s birthday donuts for the party (she doesn’t like cake), and then I had to go to Publix yet again because I’d forgotten to get fruit and drinks for the party. My brain was focused on one thing and one thing only last week – Maui – and I dropped the ball on so many other things.
When I got home, we fed Maui and gave her water yet again. We realized that the chicken and apples was thin enough to be pulled into the syringe, so that made feeding her so much easier. We gave her 2 ML of food and 10 more ML of water before she was over it. And while this doesn’t sound like much, she only weighed about two pounds at this point so she didn’t need much. I googled how many ML of water a two-pound dog needs in a day and it said about 50-100, so we knew we could easily do that as long as we spread it out all day.
After that, I washed her bed and blankets since she’d been soiling herself at night every now and then. We’d started using diapers and then trying to wipe her clean in the morning, but that’s hard with so much hair, so the only way to get her cleaned properly was to bathe her.
At 10 AM, concert tickets went on sale for Dave Matthews Band, so Brian and I both spent the next hour or so trying to get what we could. I ended up getting the better set of seats, but I continued to look afterward to see if anything else popped up and it didn’t. Getting concert tickets these days is ridiculous. And so are the fees.
After that, we fed Maui and gave her some more water, and then we gave her a bath. She didn’t smell good at all, and it was much-needed even though at that point it felt so cruel because she was so weak, and it was so cold outside. I wasn’t sure which was worse – leaving her unclean or actually giving her the bath.
She actually didn’t seem to hate the bath, though – or maybe it just seemed that way since she didn’t have the energy to fight back – so we were able to get her bathed quickly and get her dried off and back in her electric blanket to warm up in no time.
I also texted my aunt and one of my friends who both lost dogs recently to ask them who they used locally for cremation as we decided to have her cremated. I never thought I would be a “cremate your dog” kind of girl, but here we are. I just couldn’t bear to have her buried in the back yard in the freezing cold… she has always hated winter and hated being cold, and even though I know she wouldn’t have known the difference, I would have known the difference, and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
After that, we fed Maui and gave her some more water and then Brian and I had lunch. I kept Maui curled up in her electric blanket and brought her all over the house wherever I was, so she didn’t have to be alone. At that point, she wasn’t ever getting up on her own to go to the bathroom or anything, so I woke her every couple of hours to take her outside to potty.
Friday afternoon she could barely stand and she was stumbling around in the yard when she tried to find a spot to go, but every time she would find her bearings and then she would potty. So at least we still had that going for us.
Friday afternoon, we knew that a quality of life appointment on Monday was going to end with the advice to euthanize her, and then we would have had to wait two more days to euthanize her (because they wouldn’t have been able to do it the same day and then the following day was Olivia’s birthday and we couldn’t possibly make Olivia go through that on her birthday), so we made the ultimate decision to change our quality of life appointment to an appointment to have her euthanized on Monday.
I knew it wasn’t fair for her to live this way anymore, but what a terrible decision to have to make. We moved the appointment to 4 PM so the kids could have the option to come if they wanted to, but we didn’t tell them about the appointment because we didn’t want Olivia to be upset for her party.
At that point, we had been telling them that we knew it wouldn’t be too much longer, because we didn’t want it to be a shock to them if she died naturally, but we didn’t tell them the severity of it because we just wanted Olivia to get through her birthday weekend. I think they both knew, though, because both of them doted on her more than usual all weekend.
I basically cried all morning and early afternoon, but I put on my happy face to pick the kids up from school, and when we got home, it was crunch time. I had so many things to do that it was overwhelming, but thankfully, the whole family pitched in to make sure everything was ready for the party at 5. Brian vacuumed, put the clean dishes away, got a bunch of donation bags hidden (that had been sitting in the dining room), and cleaned the toilet in the guest bath. He also took all of Maui’s stuff upstairs to our room.
She has slept downstairs in our guest bathroom her entire life – she has a crate that’s all cozied up with a bed and two blankets, and we’ve always left her crate door open and just put up a baby gate at night so the bathroom door and crate door can stay open. She has always LOVED this setup, and she always spent her time in there when we weren’t home. She always loved bedtime, too, and would sometimes put herself to bed if Brian and I stayed up later than she wanted. Haha.
But we didn’t want any of the sleepover company having access to her while Brian and I were asleep, so we brought everything into our bedroom.
Olivia tidied her room, cleaned the toilet in her bathroom that she shares with Jacob, and put together the banner that we’d bought to hang for her party.
Jacob tidied the playroom (even though it wasn’t his mess) and then worked on some notecards that he had to do for Velocity. He also practiced his piano piece for the honors recital tryout.
I dusted off the dining room table, got the table decorated, hung the banner, got the food ready, and tidied some more upstairs. We got everything done just as the first girl was arriving. Whew. Olivia had three friends over – Maren, Aubrey, and Caroline – and Jacob also had his friend WJ over so he didn’t have to be alone with a bunch of girls all night.
Maui was sleeping constantly at this point, and it was pretty obvious that she wasn’t doing well, so we had her tucked away in my office so the girls didn’t have to see her that way. Two of the girls have spent the night at our house numerous times and they love her, so I didn’t want to traumatize them.
While Brian was gone, I made myself a PB&J and I locked myself in my office to be with Maui, checking on the kids every few minutes to see if anyone needed anything.
Saturday, February 22
Saturday morning, we were awakened at 7:15 AM by the girls’ laughter and we got up and checked on Maui. She was still with us, and I was grateful.
Brian brought up some food for her and we fed her and gave her water with the syringe again, and then I wrapped her up in her electric blanket in our bedroom so we could go make breakfast for everyone.
Brian made a giant batch of eggs, and I sat out some donuts and fruit, and everyone sat down to eat. The girls watched Rise of Red and made friendship bracelets until everyone was picked up at 11 AM. The sheer relief that came over me after all of them left was something. I was so grateful that we’d made it through the whole party and that Maui was still alive.
After everyone left, I started washing all of the blankets that had been used (a billion) + the kids’ sheets. The washing machine pretty much ran for the rest of the day.
Around noon, I took Maui downstairs in her electric blanket, and Brian and I made lunch. Brian went upstairs to call the kids down, and he found Olivia lying on the floor, passed out, with a pencil in her hand. Bless her. Apparently, she had laid down to draw and she fell promptly to sleep.
I got some more laundry done and then I helped the kids get their sheets back on their beds, carrying Maui all around in her electric blanket wherever I went so she wouldn’t be alone. She was asleep all day long so it wouldn’t have mattered to her anyway, but it mattered to me, and I didn’t want her to be alone.
We had our annual benefit ball to go to Saturday night, and the original plan was for the kids to spend the night with my parents and for Maui to just stay home until we got home (this plan was made back when she was well), but at that point, there was no way I was going to leave her alone, not even for a second. At that point, I really didn’t even want to go to the ball because I didn’t want to leave her at all, but at the same time, I had been crying for three days straight at that point, and I knew it would be good for me mentally to get out.
I called my mom (crying, of course) and asked her if they could skip their plans to go to church and dinner so we could bring Maui over so she wouldn’t be alone and she, of course, said yes. And then she told me that she and my dad would just come to our house, so we didn’t have to transport Maui at all.
I was still on the fence about going all afternoon, but ultimately, I decided to get ready and then go from there. Before I got my shower, I carried Maui outside in her blanket to go potty and then I wrapped her back up and let her put her face up to the sun. It was chilly Saturday, but it wasn’t as bitter cold as it had been and the sun actually provided a little bit of warmth, so Maui was able to put her little face up to the sun for the very last time. She never opened her eyes, but she looked so content and she sniffed the air as she always does. We didn’t know it then, but that would be the last time that she would go to the bathroom on her own, and it would also be the last time that she would get to bask in the sun.
After that, I placed her right in the bathroom door in her electric blanket so I could be with her while I showered and got ready for the ball. I second-guessed myself the entire time I was getting ready, and I just wasn’t sure what to do. I knew I needed to go because I couldn’t sit in grief all evening.
Brian and I fed Maui and gave her some more water before I put on my dress, and then when my parents got there, my mom and I took Maui outside so I could show her how to get Maui to go to the bathroom. Well, for the first time ever, Maui wouldn’t go. I could barely get her to stand. So, after a few tries, I gave up and then Brian and I showed my mom how to give her water in the syringe in case the need arose. Then I just wrapped her back in her blanket and placed her back in her electric blanket that had been moved downstairs to be with my parents and the kids.
Before we left, I kissed her one million times, and I whispered in her ear to please hang on until we got home. I knew in my heart that she would. I truly did. And I think that’s why I had peace with going.
Dinner was delicious from start to finish, and I was shocked that I actually had somewhat of an appetite. When I get stressed emotionally, my body shuts down and I have to force myself to eat. It happens every single time somebody I know passes away or if something traumatic happens.
There was also a silent auction going on the entire time that ended at 9:30, and Brian and I had been watching a listing for a full set of braces that had been donated by our orthodontist. We knew that if the bidding stayed under a certain amount then we would save money over all (even with using insurance and getting the family discount) and we ended up winning the bid! It was a win-win situation because the full amount of our contribution will go directly towards tuition assistance for families at our school who need it, and we saved $900 on Olivia’s braces!
Once the presentation was finally over, I hugged a few friends and snapped a couple of quick pictures with my girlfriends and then Brian and I left. The band was just starting up again, and while I was sad that I was going to miss my one night of the year to dance, I couldn’t get home to Maui fast enough. It’s all I wanted more than anything in the world. The night was bittersweet, that’s for sure.
The officer who pulled us over came to my side of the vehicle and he told us that we were speeding. Brian was shocked because he thought the speed limit was 45 where we were… but apparently the speed there is 35 which is wild because it’s a major road. Brian also told me that his car said the speed limit was 45 there, too, so FYI, if you have a vehicle or GPS that tells you the speed limit, don’t always trust that it’s accurate. (I actually tested this a couple of days later around town, and my GPS speed limits did not match a few of the ones on the roads, so I can confirm.)
Brian ended up apologizing and telling the officer that he thought the speed limit was 45 and the officer was very kind and understanding and he let us off with a warning. I was so grateful because all I wanted to do was get home to Maui.
Between the presentation running long at the ball and getting pulled over, we didn’t get home until just before 10 which was a good 30-60 minutes later than I’d wanted to get home. But it is what it is.
Thankfully, our girl was still hanging on, and she was sound asleep in her electric blanket. My momma said that she had tried to let her out once to potty but she wouldn’t go, so I tried, too, and she wouldn’t go when I took her either. At that point, she wouldn’t even open her eyes, so I knew she was fading.
After my parents left, everyone was running on fumes, so we got the kids in the bed and then Brian and I sat down to watch TV and I got my last lap snuggle ever. I am going to miss these more than anything. TV time in our house will never be the same. There hasn’t been a single day (aside from when we have been out of town) that I haven’t gotten my lap/couch snuggles with Maui since January 22, 2010.
Once we got her eyes clean, we got her warm and snuggly in her tiny bed, and for the first time ever in her entire life, we put her in the bed with us. I knew for sure she wasn’t going to make it through the night, and I didn’t want her to die alone. We nestled her little bed right between Brian and me and we slept with the ceiling fan off so she wouldn’t be cold. I really wanted to have her actual body next to me, but since she’s so tiny and delicate, I knew that was dangerous because I didn’t want to roll over on her in the middle of the night.
We both said goodnight to her and turned out the lights. I couldn’t sleep, and every few minutes I kept putting my hand on her little body to make sure she was still breathing and that her heart was still beating. At some point, I finally fell asleep, though. Sometime in the 2 AM hour, Brian had to get up to go to the bathroom and that woke me, so I lifted my head to check on Maui, and she was sitting up in her bed!! She hadn’t sat up on her own since that one time Friday night in her crate, so I was shocked. Brian and I both gave her some love and pets and then we went back to sleep. We realized in the morning that maybe that had been her last burst of energy before she passed… apparently that can happen to animals as well as humans.
Sunday, February 23
Sunday morning, I woke sometime after 8 AM and I immediately rolled towards Maui to check on her and that’s when I realized that she was gone. I told Brian and the two of us sat with her and cried. I don’t think it had been long since she had passed at that point based on her temperature.
Brian went to wake the kids and give them the news and it was heart wrenching to hear their little sobs coming from their rooms when he told them. They both came and got in our bed with us, and we spent the next hour crying and loving on her and talking about her.
We gave both kids the option whether or not to see her – I wanted that to be their decision since they’ve had no experience with death other than recently attending my uncle’s funeral – but they both wanted to see her and give her some last pets and kisses. We left her in her bed, and she looked peaceful… it just looked like she was sleeping.
A clay paw print set had just arrived a couple of days prior and I’d never had the chance to do her prints, so I asked Brian to grab it, and we split the clay into four sections so we could make an ornament to hang on our Christmas tree next to the kids’ little baby handprints along with a little print for each of the kids to put in their rooms + one for my office. Maui always slept with one of her little arms hanging out of her bed, and in true Maui fashion, she had fallen asleep that way one last time, so we had easy access to her tiny little paw.
I am aware that making clay paw prints after she had passed may be a little odd to some of you, but it was actually a really peaceful experience, and it did give all of us a little bit of closure. I think it also helped the kids process their feelings.
After that was done, I started panicking because I realized it was Sunday morning, so all of the pet places were closed, and we didn’t know what to do with her. We had already decided to have her cremated, but I was terrified none of the places would be open. Thankfully, there was one single place open from 9 AM – 12 PM.
Brian called and got an answering service, and they told him they’d have somebody call us back. 40 minutes went by, and – no call back. Brian called again and got the same answering service and the guy from the answering service couldn’t answer any of his questions. He just told us that all he could do was put in another message to have someone call us back. I was really upset by then because I didn’t want to have to hold onto her body until Monday, so I prayed somebody would call us back.
Thankfully, we got an immediate call back and the lady told us that someone could meet Brian at their facility at 10:30, which was rapidly approaching. Brian got dressed and then it was time to say goodbye to our girl for good. I kissed her little head for the very last time and then Brian walked out the door. There were fresh waves of tears all around as he left with her… I think that was the hardest part.
He was back home within 30 minutes, and he said that the guy he’d met there was really great. He told us that we could decide on the urn on Monday, so there was no rush to pick something out.
By that time, it was time to get showered and ready to go to my mother-in-law’s and step-father-in-law’s for Sunday lunch. We had Brian’s and Olivia’s birthdays to celebrate. Everyone there was sad about Maui’s passing, too, because they’d all spent so much time with her throughout the years.
We all ate lunch together and then Brian and Olivia opened their gifts. We had dirt cake for dessert per Olivia’s request and then the kids retreated to the playroom to play Monopoly while the adults hung around and chatted. We talked about Maui a lot, which was nice. Everyone talked about how much they loved her, and we told a few little Maui stories.
When we got home, I felt totally lost. On Sundays, I usually get some blog work done when we get home from Nana and Poppie’s house, and my little sidekick lays in her bed right near me, and she wasn’t there for the first time in 15 years. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve turned around to check on her this week only to find an empty bed.
Olivia and I still hadn’t done her birthday interview for Monday, so she came in to do that, and that was a good distraction. She made me laugh, so that was welcomed. Then after that was done, I just spent some time going through pictures of Maui. TWICE when I was working, I swear I heard Maui get up and get out of her bed like I’ve heard a million times, and both times that set off fresh waves of tears.
I posted a little tribute to her on my private and public social media accounts after that, and the outpouring of love for our girl brought a smile to my face. Our friend, Fahed, called me when he saw my post and he and I cried together on the phone for a while. I’m so grateful for everyone who reached out. It is cathartic for me to talk about her.
I got nothing done Sunday – I never prepped my planner for the week ahead, I never watched my sermon, I didn’t work out, I didn’t do my quiet time and Bible study, I didn’t transfer the week’s pictures off of my phone to my computer – I did nothing. But that was exactly what I needed.
My parents were out of town for the day, so we didn’t have Sunday dinner at their house. Instead, we heated the leftover pizza from Olivia’s slumber party, and Brian and I had a beer.
After dinner, I did get the laundry sorted while the kids played. Brian and I talked about Maui some more, and then we had one more cry with the kids before bed. Man, it was a tough day, but all of those tears let us all know just how loved she was. When we said our prayers, we prayed extra hard for her – that she was chasing all of the birds, eating all of the treats, and getting all of the lap snuggles from Jesus.
After the kids were in bed, I headed downstairs and I started going straight to Maui’s cabinet to get her treat only to remember she wasn’t there. Brian and I watched an episode of The White Lotus and that was the loneliest I have ever felt on that couch – with no Maui in my lap to get all the snuggles.
I have been through this once before with my childhood dog, and I can tell you it doesn’t get any easier, but I know we’ll all be okay eventually. It’s just going to take some time. And I do plan to do a special tribute to her here on the blog eventually… it’s just going to take some time because I have 15 years’ worth of pictures to go through and I want to make sure I take my time and do it right.
And even though I’m so very sad about losing her, I do feel at peace about how everything happened. I had prayed so hard for days that God would take her in His own perfect timing, and He did give us that gift. He waited until Brian’s birthday was over, He waited until Olivia’s party was over and all of the kids were gone, He waited until we had gotten back from our ball, He took her peacefully during the night while she was nestled between her two favorite people, and He took her just one day before our appointment, so we didn’t have to.
I will be grateful forever that He took her, so we didn’t have to.
What a sad weekend mixed in with all the happy events. I'm happy that it worked out the way it did because it seems like it was for the best overall, having her in bed with you, not when Olivia's friends were over, etc. I know it is hard and I've been thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteSending big hugs and love to you and your family. It sounds like you gave Maui such a great life and she was so loved. You did so well caring for her in her last few days even with everything you had going on.
ReplyDeleteI hope you find comfort in knowing your dog felt deeply loved.
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