On Anxiety and Going Through a Difficult Season

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This isn’t at all what I had intended to post about today, but I felt it tugging at my heart, and when I sat down to write the other day, a whole bunch of stuff about living with anxiety just came pouring out.  Most of this is going to be me rambling with no rhyme or reason, but the main takeaway from the post is – to all of my fellow anxiety sufferers, please know that you’re not alone.

As most of you know, I’ve been struggling badly with vertigo, dizziness, and loss of balance for nearly 11 weeks now, and my anxiety has been at an all-time high because of it.  I’ve seen numerous doctors and had numerous tests run, and I still have no answers, and it’s honestly scary not knowing when or if it will ever end. 

This vertigo and all of its symptoms – constant dizziness some days, violent spinning when moving certain ways, unsteadiness resulting in a couple of falls, brain fog, and feeling like I’m on a boat constantly – have really thrown my life into upheaval.  There have been days when I could hardly get out of bed, and there were weeks when I couldn’t drive, so life has been challenging these last eleven weeks.

Every single morning, I wake up not knowing what to expect – some days are good, and some days are really terrible – and because of this, my anxiety has been crippling since early summer.  My body has been in fight or flight mode for months now, and that is a really miserable feeling. 

Unfortunately, anxiety is something that can’t be controlled just by willing it away… especially if yours is genetic like mine.  I’ve had people ask me, “Why are you anxious?  You have a great life.”  And then there’s the ever popular, “Don’t be anxious!” as if that will magically cure it. 

If it were that easy, then I wouldn’t be choosing to live like this.  Haha. 

And yes, I do know that I have so much to be grateful for, and I am, but sometimes life is still hard.  And when those hard times arise, it can be impossible to keep my anxiety under control and that makes everything feel so much worse. 

While I don’t have answers to magically heal anxiety, I did want to share a few things that help me when my anxiety spikes during a tough season.  I also wanted to share a few things that are bringing me joy amid this difficult season that I can’t seem to escape.

Things That Help My Anxiety

 

1. Moving my body!!  Especially outside.  My evening walks/jogs are life-giving.
2. Doing a Bible study or reading my devotional
3. Meditation… it’s scientifically proven to help with anxiety, stress, and tons of other things, and I am personally a huge fan.
4. Listening to my favorite music… sometimes it needs to be uplifting to elevate your mood and sometimes it needs to be sad so you can have a good cry.  Both can be cathartic.
5. Getting lost in a good book… sometimes you just need to escape reality.
6. Diffusing my favorite scents… scents you love can be instant mood boosters.
7. Distracting myself with anything and everything – busy work, house projects, house cleaning… literally anything to keep my mind off of other things.
8. Pouring myself into others – volunteering at the kids’ school, doing special little things with the kids, and basically just surrounding myself with other people really helps me take the focus off of myself and get out of my own head for a bit.  Talking with my therapist weekly has also been a Godsend for me these last few months, too.
9. Managing the physical symptoms of anxiety.  I could write a whole entire blog post on the physical symptoms that I experience with my anxiety (shortness of breath, headaches, neck tension, stomach upset, physical pain, exhaustion, ringing in ears, dizziness, PROBABLY THIS VERTIGO, etc.)  The physical symptoms are the very worst part of anxiety for me because they can be debilitating, so I will do whatever is needed to keep those under control – take pain relievers, lay on my neck pillow to stretch out tension, get B to rub my shoulders, wear a heating bad around my neck, put an ice pack at the base of my skull for headaches, roll CBD oil on tense muscles, etc. 
10. Focusing on the little joys in life like…

 

A Few Things Bringing Me Joy Right Now…

 

1. An open sunroof when I drive around town
2. The soft glow of the twinkle lights in my office
3. The spicy scent of cinnamon oil in my diffuser
4. Music… always… particularly cocktail jazz or old standards right now
5. Solo evening walks or runs around my neighborhood while I listen to music
6. Bible doodles
7. This heated neck and shoulder wrap, this acupressure mat (that I've loved since 2012!), and this neck and shoulder relaxer… all three help tremendously with my neck tension.  
8. Beautiful sunsets during my evening runs
9. Taking the back roads to school every day rather than the highway (it’s so. much. less. stressful.)
10. My ongoing group text with my girlfriends

 

All that said, there are still days where I try to do every single thing I can to ward off the anxiety, and it still manages to creep in, so if that happens to you sometimes, too, know you’re not alone.  Sometimes you just have to fake it until you make it.  On those days, I get myself out of bed, I get myself ready, and I put on something that makes me feel confident.  That always makes me feel much better than laying around the house in my PJs all day. 

And when all else fails, I just try to remember that nothing lasts forever, and eventually whatever I’m going through will pass.  And while I’m waiting for it to pass, I try to trust in God and look for the lessons I’m supposed to be learning from all of it (there is always a lesson), I try hard to make the most of whatever season I’m in no matter how difficult (because I know I don’t want to look back and regret having wasted a bunch of precious time), and I try to remain hopeful for all of the good things to come. 

I also lean heavily on this Bible verse…

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

-       Proverbs 3:5

It has always been my favorite.

So, if you’re going through a tough season of life, and you have anxiety that compounds it infinitely, know that I see you, I’m praying for you, and I hope that you can figure out a way to live as fully as possible until you get through it.  Because you will get through it.

Happy Monday, y’all.