Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

On this day nine years ago I was freshly grieving the loss of our first baby whom I had miscarried at eight weeks.  I felt like a failure and I was terrified that there was something wrong with me… that I would never be able to have a baby of my own.  I ached for that empty space to be filled again and I begged and pleaded with God for months to bless us with another pregnancy. 

Once we found out we were expecting again, I was beyond grateful, but I spent the next nine months walking on eggshells, paralyzed with fear that it would happen again.  It was a very long pregnancy and a lonely journey.  I was so blinded by anxiety that I didn’t even allow myself to enjoy it. 

You see, at the time, I barely knew of anyone who’d ever had a miscarriage because it was a subject that most people didn’t discuss.  What I didn’t know back then, and what every woman SHOULD know, is that miscarriage is common. 

It happens a lot. 

And it doesn’t happen because you did something wrong. 

And it doesn’t mean that it will happen again.

And it doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to have healthy babies. 

Sometimes it just happens because it happens and there’s no real explanation for it.

That knowledge may not make the loss hurt any less, but I know it sure would have made me feel less alone.  So mommas out there who have experienced or are currently experiencing this loss, please know you are not alone.

We were blessed with our rainbow baby just a little over a year after we lost our first baby and he’s everything that we prayed for – kind, smart, funny, obnoxious at times, and so stinking cute.  But above all, we have a healthy child of our own… the very thing I was worried we would never have. 

Several years ago, I wrote about my personal experience with miscarriage and some thoughts I learned along the way and I hope it offers a little bit of comfort to someone who needs it. 

To everyone who has lost, you are in my prayers today.