Five on Friday - Feels

Well, grab some tissues and cry with me!  I know it’s Friday and you’re looking for an upbeat post, but alas, you’re probably not going to find that here today.  As a matter of fact, you’re not even really getting five of anything today… unless you want to begin to count all of the emotions I’ve been feeling this week.  Hehe.

As you’re reading this, I’m wrapping up my last day at the job where I’ve worked for the last 13 years… my first “career” that I’ve ever had.  I’ve been a roller coaster of emotions all week ranging from elation (in knowing that I’m about to have a lot more free time to spend with my babies) to disgust (because of how everything went down) to pure sadness (because I’m leaving so many friends behind).  Throw in a little bit of shock (that it’s actually happening), a lot of denial (because I don’t think I’ll actually believe it until Monday rolls around and I don’t have any place to be), and a touch of what can only be described as failure (because I’ll no longer be generating an income) and you have… me.  Welcome to my hot mess of a world. 

This last week at work has been rough. 

I’ve shredded and boxed up 13 years’ worth of files. 

I’ve typed up 13 years’ worth of notes in a spreadsheet to assist my coworkers after I’m gone. 

I’ve tried to bestow 13 years’ worth of knowledge on a temporary employee in a mere four days. 

I’ve packed up 13 years’ worth of personal belongings until my cube was left bare.

I’ve said goodbye to countless account contacts near and far.

I’ve hugged lots of coworkers and laughed about lots of old memories.

I’ve cried lots of tears, y’all.  LOTS.  (Just ask my coworker who sits in the cube next to me.)

I have pictured this day a hundred times, and never in a million years did I think it would ever be this hard.

I have had this job since I was 22 years old.  I pretty much “grew up” here.  These people that I spend every day with have watched me graduate from college.  They’ve watched me find and marry the love of my life.  They’ve watched me become a mother.  They celebrated my joys when I gave birth to our two sweet babies, and they mourned my losses when we lost our first little babe seven years ago and my grandfather two years ago.

It’s such an odd concept, the “coworker” dynamic.  When you really think about just how much time you spend with them, it’s quite shocking.  I mean, anyone who works full time pretty much spends more waking hours with their coworkers than their own families.  All of a sudden, after 13 years of seeing these people five days a week 8 hours a day, they’re just going to be gone.  Poof. 

I know I’m being dramatic, but goodness gracious am I going to miss these people!  And yes, as one of my coworkers pointed out, it’s not like I’m dying or moving to another country or something.  They will all be down the street right where they’ve always been.  It’ll just be really weird not seeing them every day, ya know?

And I know that everything will be alright.  I do.  But I’m just praying that being forced down this path is what was supposed to happen for our family.  Because yes, I’ve been wanting to be able to stay at home for some time now but I – WE – weren’t quite ready for it yet.  I wanted a thriving side hustle before we took that plunge.

I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen now.  I do know that I’m going to let myself relax for the next six weeks and soak up the holiday season with my family and all of my newfound time, but I also know that starting in January I need to figure out how to make some money one way or another.  How I’m going to do that is yet to be determined. 

Now – to make it through my goodbye lunch and my exit interview gracefully and without too many tears. 

Thank you for reading.  xo

*Linking up with A Liz Adventures and Carolina Charm for Five on Friday, A Little Bit of Everything for Friday Favorites,  September Farm and The Farmer's Wife for Oh Hey, Friday, Meet @ the Barre for Friday Favorites, and Cup of Tea for High Five for Friday.