I haven’t
participated in Thursday confessions in quite some time so here’s a fresh batch
for you.
I confess…
… that 2017
has not been my favorite. I know things
could be and are so much worse for others, so I try to be grateful – and I am so grateful – for this life that I have,
but so many little things have piled up this year that it’s kind of starting to
make feel defeated. Numerous sicknesses
for me, many failed attempts to cure my chronic pain, lots of tornadoes and weird
severe weather, trying and failing to figure out how to quit my job and stay
home with the kids, having two grandmothers hospitalized in the last couple of
weeks, my parents’ dog being very sick these last few weeks, the current state
of our nation… I mean, I’m not one to rush time at all, but goodness gracious, I’m
about ready for 2018. Eventually enough
is enough, ya know?
… that I had
a feeling that 2017 was going to be not-so-great before it even started simply
because it ends in the number 17.
Several of the worst days of my whole life occurred on the 17th of the
month, so I’m really not a fan of that number.
… that B and
I have spent all of this time and money trying these new treatments for my back/hip/leg
pain with this doctor in Atlanta, and after all of that, it’s not even working. It’s frustrating and nauseating knowing how
much money we have wasted these last few months. Not to mention it’s frustrating and
nauseating knowing that I might be stuck with this pain for the rest of my
life. I have my last treatment tomorrow,
so I’m basically praying for a miracle at this point. And I’m sure that this is one of the top two
culprits for causing my 2017 to be so trying.
… that lately
I have been feeling restless and slightly discouraged with this whole blogging
thing. Some days I feel like I’m on the
cusp of something amazing, and others, well… I have felt completely frustrated. I enjoy every single second of it, but I feel
like I really want it to be something more and that I just can’t quite get it
there. Does that make sense?
… that I feel
the constant need to create (writing, taking and editing pictures, painting,
house decorating, clothes styling, organizing, etc.) and that I really wish
there was some way to channel all of my creativity into something that could
help me earn enough money to stop working at my corporate job. I feel like life with two small kiddos is
slipping right through my fingers because I’m wasting all of my time at an
office. While B and I could probably survive
on his salary alone, we would also have to give up some of the frivolous things
that we’ve grown accustomed to, and that would definitely be hard. The hardest thing, though, is that I would
feel so guilty spending a penny if I wasn’t bringing something in. Stay at home moms… how do you do it
financially? And if anyone has great
ideas how to make money from home, do tell!
… that I get 15
days of vacation every year at work and I have already used every. single. one. And our new vacation doesn’t even start over
until April 1, 2018. I know.
We still have fall break and Thanksgiving break and Christmas break and
spring break and Easter break and all of the other days in between that the
school is closed and I don’t have a single vacation day left to take for the
next seven months. Working moms, who the
heck watches your kids for the 18 million days that they have off and/or are
sick during the year?? We have been
utilizing the services of our two retired dads so much that I’ve gotten to the point
where I feel plain awful every time we have to ask them to watch one of the
kids.
Well, sorry for
this bummer of a post, but I always try to be honest in this little space of
mine and this is just what came out when I started writing. Overall I am
truly happy the majority of the time and I know that I have been blessed above
and beyond. I know that this is just a trying
season and things will be on the up and up eventually, but I am a worrier by
nature, so the whole “taking it in stride” thing during my season of waiting is
challenging for me.
I do promise
to have a much happier post up tomorrow!
Thank you for
listening to me vent. Sometimes you just
have to do it.
*Linking up with Sparkles and Lattes for Confessional Thursday and Home of Malones for Thoughts for Thursday.
I am so sorry about your chronic pain. I am praying for a miracle today.
ReplyDeleteI am praying, as well, that you do get to become a SAHM! The first few years that I stayed home were a big adjustment but we made it through. Now, I'm at the point that I have my Etsy shop. It doesn't bring in a lot of income yet but I'm hoping in the next few years it will when it time to start buying the big stuff like cars, etc!
Praying for you friend!
I am sorry to hear that 2017 just is the pits! As for earning extra money - I totally think that you could open a little etsy shop and make decorations for parties. You always make things so cute - I mean you made a poop party cute. :) And your drawings / chalkboards are always amazing - I feel like you could turn that into something, too! One thing I have heard, too, is that people try to adjust to living on one income before actually doing it. It would be a good test to see if you guys could do it, while not fully giving up your job. Obviously I have no experience with any of things, but just my thoughts. :) Hope you are able to figure it out!
ReplyDelete2017 really hasn't been wonderful for us either! I think a lot of us are feeling the same way about blogging that you are, I know I've just decided to do it for me and post when and what I want and I am starting to feel better about that. Im so sorry about your back, I can't imagine living with chronic pain that won't go away, praying this final treatment works!
ReplyDeleteSorry that you are on the struggle bus friend. I remember one particular year that I was there too and it SUCKED. It felt like everything was falling apart or fighting me. I'll be praying for you and that you get some peace and direction.
ReplyDeleteI cannot believe the treatments are not working, I am so so sorry. I will pray something miraculous happens with the last one. For us, when I chose to stay home I knew it would be a BIG adjustment. I mean we didn't even pay for daycare so I basically just threw my salary out the window. We cut back on lots of things and then you just learn to be creative.
ReplyDeleteGirl, you are SO talented, you could totally have an Etsy shop, FB page and I know it would be a hit!! Just start it small on the side, I would create a FB page first and then make things and share them there, then expand to Etsy. I know you could do it!! I'm sending virtual hugs to you today!
Sorry you are feeling like this right now! Some of my co-workers went to a stress class the other day that they said taught them to keep things in perspective- like when we say, "I'm so stressed out right now!" we need to stop and think, "What am I stressed about? Did my house burn down? Did I lose my job? Or did I just have a lot on my plate today? Is misplacing my keys as bad as my house burning down?" I'm hoping to use that strategy this year! I hope things get better soon!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Emily above, I think you could totally do an Etsy shop for little party decor items! Or even planning parties for people. Like, people could tell you their theme and you could tell them what/where to buy decorations, food, etc. Like a party consultant? I would totally tell all my friends about it!! I'm so sorry you're having a tough time. I often wonder/am amazed at how moms juggle work and home life.
ReplyDeleteDARN IT anyway, I am praying for you and your treatment tomorrow. I SWEAR blogging is the biggest roller coaster I have ever been on. There is a day every single week where I think, hmmmm I am the smallest fish and I am never going to grow in this deep VAST ocean!
ReplyDeleteStaying home was the BIGGEST leap of faith we took to that date. When we did our budget, we literally were going to be in the red every single month and I might have had a crabby couple of days at the thought. We jumped and over time shaved things off. Every family is different and our financial changes were VERY gradual. We cut cable, ate out less, stuck to a strict budget. The thing is these all taught me so much in the process.
I agree with Lizzie! Could you even do virtual fashion classes (maybe start with a FB live) and show people how they can use items in their closet to make fun new outfits. Keep thinking and praying. I will too!
Keep your chin up and keep on keeping on. xoxo ERIN
YEP, Lindsay, you are so talented and creative! Would love to support you if you do launch another side business. Hang in there, friend!
ReplyDeleteOh, Lindsay, I have so much to say! First, I'll be praying for you and your back pain...let's hope that miracle is right around the corner! Second, I think you're totally allowed to complain. I'll complain to Jon about lots of different stuff and and then I follow up with how grateful I am for this life and the health of my loved ones, but you know what? When I'm venting - I'm venting my issues of the now...they're mine and honestly, I hope I always get to vent about "those types" of issues rather than things that could be much, much worse....knock on wood. So, vent away, girl! Plus, you make me feel so normal by being so transparent and I love that about you! Lastly, the blog thing... I'm right there with ya. Way back in 2016, I felt like I was rocking it as far as being on my game and getting out blog posts. Now I just try to do what I can when I can. It's frustrating, because I stay home, but I'd love to contribute financially to the family. The couple things I can think of is writing and selling an ebook of some sort (you'd be great at a how-to-blog ebook and I'd tooootally buy one from you!!!). Or lots of affiliate links...I believe Abby made a bunch of moola at the beginning from those two things (one affiliate link being that paperless recorder thingy). Anyhoo, if you find out the secret, please let me know! I'd love to work it and make things happen over here! Have a great day, girl, and thanks for sharing your world with all of us!
ReplyDeleteI will be praying for you, your health and your desire to be home with the kiddos. I know what's it like to want something for your family and have to wait for it or to be struggling for it. You have the best intentions for your family so I know that God sees that and will be blessing you all with exactly what you need. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteKeep your wishes and dreams for your family present and remember that there is a plan for you and your fam. Just keep praying. :)
ReplyDeleteWhy does this post make my heart physically ache for some reason? It really does. Probably because I'm a mom of kids that are similar ages and are hearts feel this pull to be the mom and wife that we envision, regardless of what that looks like, and it can make us so weary when the path to our dreams is so unclear! Real talk: I 100% would encourage you to take what you're good at and open an Etsy shop. You know I'm a SAHM as are MANY of my girlfriends (since we are almost all military spouses), and so so so many of us long to still contribute. That financial strain is tough sometimes. Having a "side gig" is amazing if it's going something you love. So what do you love? Do you have any interest in monogramming and appliqué machines? If so, two of my VERY best friends in ATL run their own businesses and make a LOT of money - A LOT. My very best friend bought her machine and Etsy business for $5k, and the Etsy customers come in DROVES! It's CRAZY! With so many people out there with monogram machines, I thought there was no way she'd get any customers. Sure enough, she's flooded. It's hard for her to do the business though with her son at her feet. Bottom line - making money requires a lot of time, whether you're home and at an office. So if you're home making money, you may not be spending as much time with your kids as you envisioned. It's a lot to think about! Seriously though - I would HAPPILY connect you with my best friend Amberlee who has her appliqué shop on Etsy. She would teach you everything. WOW - talk about rambling!!! Sorry! Haha.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about what you're going through. I love that you keep it real! With some bloggers is sunshine and sparkles all the time.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kacie. Yes, real life is full of ups and downs and I try to always be honest here in my corner of the internet. I do like to try to keep things positive, but sometimes the messiness of life peeks through. Thank you for being so supportive!
DeleteI'm so very sorry that you are struggling with so much. I wish I could bring you over some coffee and give you a big ol hug! 2017 has been very rough. I am praying so hard for you! If you are able to become a stay-at-home mom, I read a study once that calculated how much time a stay-at-home mom works/how much money she would make - it was the equivalent of two full-time jobs. So that makes me feel a bit better when I feel guilty spending the money Kyle brings home from his job alone. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Brandi. Your prayers mean a lot to me. I know that you have been going through a lot this year, too, and I will continue to keep you in my prayers as well. And thank you for that little tidbit of info... I'll keep that in mind (and show it to Brian - haha) just in case I ever DO get to stay at home. ;o)
DeleteI'm sorry to hear about all the frustrations! I just shared a post about trying to juggle it all yesterday. Not fun. I hope that you get some relief from the pain soon! And I am lucky in my job that if I need to work from home or take a day with Sadie it isn't a huge deal, but its often not fair to her if I have to be working at home when she is home too! It seems like us working moms just can't catch a break.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you.
YES to every single word about wanting to stay home. I want to be with my little girl SO badly!! But is it right for me? Will I miss the challenge of the corporate world? Does she need to be in pre-school? Ugh, Mama'ing is hard!!
ReplyDeleteYes it is! It's crazy because if you had asked me to stay at home five years ago I would have thought you were crazy. However, now that we have one in first grade AKA "real school" I feel like I'm missing more than ever and I'm finding myself longing to be the room mom and volunteering at the school. Not to mention our schedule is just crazy now and I really hate that our kids have such a long day. Anyway, thank you for stopping by and thank you for your support! xo
DeleteHi! Just stopping in from the link-up. I'm sorry to hear about the frustrations 2017 has brought for you so far, and hope the second half of the year really starts to look up for you! I admire your ability to be honest and authentic, because life ain't always easy. ;) Best wishes to you! xo
ReplyDeleteI feel like we are the same person right now. The blogging, wanting to stay at home, chronic pain/exhaustion, wanting more, 2017 been crazy, etc. I hope your last treatment goes well tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about the pain treatments not working! That's awful. I understand on the blogging. I see people wanting to quit all the time. I don't want to quit because I love it, but I wish I could do better at it!
ReplyDeleteThanks for being real with your readers. I have been a stay at home mom and it is often hard, but so worth it. One idea is to be a substitute teacher so that you can choose the days you work and you will always have the time off when your kids are home. It doesn't provide lots of benefits and salary of a full - time job, but it may be an option for some fun money to keep in your budget.
ReplyDeleteoh man, I really, really hope you get your miracle. That just really sucks you're always in pain. I can't even imagine. I'm not a stay at home mom, but I would feel guilty spending money too, but I guess you have to think of it as, you're contributing in a different way, raising your kids, and for that you get to splurge a little every now and then. That being said, I want to stop working too, hopefully in the next few years we can make that happen. But you're right, I would miss the extra income and this life style.
ReplyDeleteI found your blog recently and want to encourage you to take the leap to stay at home! We treat all the money as "our" money and luckily husband is supportive! Four kids. We did dave Ramsey when we first married. And have found life is simpler and easier when you find ways to save/not spend money instead of earning it when you have young kids. I have seen plenty of friends that may not have had it all figured out right when they decided to stay at home but had opportunities open up down the road that fit better with their lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words and your advice, Katie. I am praying that we can figure out a way sooner than later and I am definitely taking everyone's advice into consideration. Thank you for taking time out of your day to lift me up! <3
DeleteSorry things have been so hard lately. Hoping and praying your last treatment will do the trick! Chronic pain is really draining. Wishing a big turn around for the rest of the year for you and your family!
ReplyDeleteOh Lindsay, I couldn't agree more with so much that you wrote. Sorry I didn't respond to this sooner but I took a no blog day yesterday. I really hope these last few months of 2017 turn around for you. I too struggle with wanting my blog to be more. It amazes me how some can take off with overnight success and others with fun content stay stagnant. I feel like the ones that are so successful are so calculated and in my opinion appear to be fake at times. I have a hard time selling myself out to that and have tried to balance more lifestyle content into what I post. I enjoy visiting so many of my blogger friends because I feel like I know all of you from what you share, but then I struggle with what do more people want to actual read about. I'm stuck too. I am also working on being home with the boys more and I think what frustrates me too is seeing that some people can get paid major bucks to wear something from a designer and have that luxury all from their little internet space or IG page that they paid for followers (not trying to be rude but in some cases that's how it is). Unfortunately with not having enough days to stay at home with your kids, we've had to put them in a backup daycare program or I've had to take the days unpaid. Hang in there mama and thank you for sharing your thoughts <3 Beautifully Candid
ReplyDeleteOh mama I'm so sorry you are having a rough season right now. You are so right that they pass, but when you are in the thick of it, it can be so hard to see the other side. This blogging business can be tough, I really stepped back from it this summer and totally see the results in my numbers and readers. I hope you are able to get to a point where you feel happy with where you are at! For myself personally, I know I just won't be able to be a stay at home mom. My husband does well, but similar to you guys, me staying home would essentially mean NEVER leaving the house or having money to do any of the little things. I wouldn't even feel like I could buy a Starbucks. But I am looking at a slight career change that was unexpected, because I do feel like there are ways we can work while not fully hating our jobs. But who knows really! Being a mama is amazing, but can be so hard and conflicting, too!
ReplyDelete